You hear about the roller coaster of emotions that come with each phase of motherhood. The sleepless nights, baby’s first smile, the anxiety around feeding (no matter how you choose to feed). 

The list goes on. 

I experienced so many firsts at the same time as my baby; it’s as if I also experienced a rebirth of myself into my new identity, “mom”. And while I expected the emotions, no one told me about the overstimulation- how your brain can never turn off because you’re constantly either being needed, tending to your work, taking care of the household, making time for your marriage. 

The list goes on. 

Even after you separate from it all to go take a bath or do yoga, you hear the baby fussing or the dog barking or your phone pinging. Did I switch the laundry? Did I hit send on that email? Are we out of coffee creamer?

The list goes on.

For the first time, I’ve struggled with this balancing act. I’m naturally an extrovert, defined by how I receive energy. I like to be social, talk, go out to meet up with friends, or teach a workout class. Before having my baby, these were all things that filled my cup. However, now my needs have changed and it took me over 6 months to not only realize this but adapt my day to day life to accommodate that change. I felt as though between the hours of 6am and 8pm I never stopped going. After work during the evening my husband would frequently ask “what’s wrong?” because I was silent, which is so unlike me. And while nothing was wrong, I needed quiet alone time and I never made time for that, even when he gave me the space to do so.

One of my core values is to fill your cup before filling others, I know it might sound a little selfish. It reminds me of when a flight attendant instructs you to put your oxygen mask on before helping others in case of an emergency during a flight. I truly believe that if you are not finding time for yourself to restore and recharge, you’re pouring from an empty cup. How can I expect to be a great mom, wife, colleague, sister, daughter, friend, yoga instructor, etc if I’m giving everyone around me the scraps of myself? It just doesn’t work. 

And it didn’t. After trying to maintain the same lifestyle as I did pre-baby, I quickly spiraled into a burn out. I was exhausted and needed to go to bed at 8pm to feel somewhat okay to get up at 6am and do it all again. All of my workouts had to be reserved for teaching yoga or barre to others because I simply could not manage more than 2 workouts a week without breaking down. Things I used to enjoy, like cooking dinner or going for walks, or doing an XOXO Cody Peloton ride now seemed like a chore. 

On top of this, I felt immense guilt anytime I set time aside for myself. My mind would race with things I “should” be doing instead- playing with James, walking the dog, unloading the dishwasher, meal planning. 

The list goes on.

It was a constant tug-o-war between giving myself space to fill my cup and balancing all of my other responsibilities. 

And then the feeling of failure set in. How can I not handle this? What’s wrong with me?

I had to take a step back and reanalyze what gave me energy so I could prioritize those things, even if it meant not doing something for someone else. I reached out to other moms to understand if they struggled with this, and sure enough they did. I didn’t feel so alone. 

While I’m still actively working on this massive shift in how I live my life, certain things are helping. 

I am taking a step back from teaching fitness. I made a goal to myself to focus more on my yoga practice this year and commit time to my mat three times a week. Teaching was taking that from me. 

I’m trying to wake up 30 minutes earlier to sit in silence with my coffee and a book. It doesn’t happen everyday because some days I decide the extra 30 minutes of sleep is more important to my day than alone time, and that’s okay too. 

I’m writing again. Getting the endless lists and thoughts and feelings out on paper. It not only helps me and is something I enjoy, but maybe I can help someone else too. Maybe another mom reading this will find solitude and soften their shoulders realizing they don’t have to carry all this weight silently and alone. 

I have a practice that I use frequently when I’m feeling overwhelmed with emotions. Someone told me about this during my yoga teacher training and I truly believe it is how I’ve been able to get through some of my hardest days. 

Close your eyes and imagine you’re hosting a dinner party. Each seat is reserved for your feelings, and as they fill you, welcome them to have a seat. Hello sadness, hi anger. Hey, excitement. Hello fear. Seat each emotion until you’ve felt all that you have to feel. With your eyes remaining closed, look around your table. Welcome each seat, each emotion to join you for dinner. When you realize that having these feelings is okay, when you welcome each one and accept it for what it is, you can find some peace and move forward.

Hello overstimulation, welcome.

J-